Saturday, July 11, 2009
i hate feeling insecure.
i hate feeling scared.
i hate the feeling that i am losing something.
i hate the feeling that there is nothing i can do.
it makes me wanna curl up and hide.
:(
& the story continues;
| 10:21 AM |
| 10:21 AM |
Friday, July 10, 2009
yellowwww? yelloowww?
blue! blue!
half day today to see capt tong.
i didnt know that we need to hand in the periodic assesment.
and 'm one of the last blur onessssssss. zzZzz
BUT I CAN HIGH FIVE WITH RONG FEI LATER! hahahahaha cos he's meeting capt tong with me too. = havent hand in. muahahahah.
yaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy.
i finally seeeee blue skies today.
and smeeelllll nice air. omg.
on a weekday afternoon too! :DDD
okey.... i neeeed to clear up some messsss.
choir camp next week...
and only the date is settled.. everything else is pretty much.... nothing.
i foreseee midnight oil and bitter days ahead.
with bitter wordssss. and chaos.
okey, maybe not that bad, but not far off.
yawns.
& the story continues;
| 1:04 PM |
| 1:04 PM |
Monday, July 6, 2009
masquerade
i can think of a million and one nasty things to say to you, but i wont. cos its you. i thought i knew you, but i was wrong. or maybe i did, in the past.
maybe its the time, maybe its me, maybe its you. maybe its just, you being you. maybe you couldnt take it anymore and decided to join in the society game. the mask game. i know everyone got a few, i know you had a few, i wont deny having a couple too. but i didnt know that yours increased, or i didnt pay enough attention to realise. is that for self defence? defence against what? me? yourself? her? him? them? everyone? who?
i warned you before. i warned you that someday you will eventually get used to them, that it will feel natural on you, that you wont feel like taking them off. you told me 'm just being a worrywart. you told me you dont like them. you told me you're not suited for the game. you told me not to worry. but i see you doing well, maybe more than well. it must have grown on you. pity, because i really liked the old you. i really did, still do. i dont recognise the lies and masks, i dont know who you are anymore. i wont say i hate/despise you, because i dont. and i never will. i know you, but you're not much different from a stranger on the streets..
just to let you know, 'm still here. i will be.
i utterly disappointed, that's all.
ps: no names. if you think 'm refering to you, its you. if you have doubts, then its probably not.
i can think of a million and one nasty things to say to you, but i wont. cos its you. i thought i knew you, but i was wrong. or maybe i did, in the past.
maybe its the time, maybe its me, maybe its you. maybe its just, you being you. maybe you couldnt take it anymore and decided to join in the society game. the mask game. i know everyone got a few, i know you had a few, i wont deny having a couple too. but i didnt know that yours increased, or i didnt pay enough attention to realise. is that for self defence? defence against what? me? yourself? her? him? them? everyone? who?
i warned you before. i warned you that someday you will eventually get used to them, that it will feel natural on you, that you wont feel like taking them off. you told me 'm just being a worrywart. you told me you dont like them. you told me you're not suited for the game. you told me not to worry. but i see you doing well, maybe more than well. it must have grown on you. pity, because i really liked the old you. i really did, still do. i dont recognise the lies and masks, i dont know who you are anymore. i wont say i hate/despise you, because i dont. and i never will. i know you, but you're not much different from a stranger on the streets..
just to let you know, 'm still here. i will be.
i utterly disappointed, that's all.
ps: no names. if you think 'm refering to you, its you. if you have doubts, then its probably not.
that aside,
a kid went 'wheeeeeee~!" and ran into me.
twice, purposely.
first time i smiled, second time the evil look.
he ran back and held his mom's hand.
tsk, who says i cant look mean huh.
today is youth day. a nice youth day.
raining the whole of yesterday and almost whole of this morning.
i had to drag myself out frm under the warm covers and into the cold surroundings.
brrrrrrr. and my siblings are stil snoring. gah.
it IS a nice day to snuggle under the covers with a hot bottle and a good book.
'm the only youth in this office, and here i am, working. rawrrrrrrr!
at least 'm not the only one in self-pity.
beancurd girl also feeling pretty sorry for herself. hahah.
'm sure there is moreeeeeeeeeeee, like at least half the rest of my class?
a few are starting to countdown.. like murray.
'm leaving it to the last weeeeeek. ^^
choir later.
'm starting to stoneeeee.
& its only reaching two.
pffffffft.
& the story continues;
| 1:54 PM |
| 1:54 PM |
Sunday, July 5, 2009
me: -.-
who says green dogs, silver bones, orange grass and purple sky dont exist?
my boy is sick-ish these few days. :(
cooked porridge for him.. and my mum peeeeeeled off corn from the fresh ones for him. wth, i dont even have this kind of treatment! OEEEEEEEEI.
i passed time by colouring while waiting for my boy's french to end.
went yew teee for the QB HOUSE. bought a lot of stufff. like hotdogs, chicken mushroom balls, seaweeeeeeds etc. er, no. not from QB HOUSE.
went back his house. slacked, slept, chatted.
his stomach is upset.. and i got crampssssssss.
its kinda funny to have two persons lying side by side each other, in pain.
okey, i did most of the chatting. asking a lot of random questionzxzxzxzxx.
i bought iceeeeeee creaaaaam frm king's factory saaaaleeeeee.
and i cant eat them now.
me no want suicide.
'm reminded of ipoh camp's LORRRRRRY RIDE.
shoikkkkkkkkkkk-nesss.
THREE CHEERS TO CHEAP THRILLS! HAHAHHAHAHA :DDDD
p.s: 'm irritated at people who are irresponsible and thinks the whole world goes round for them. it's frigging rude. fyi, i do have a life, so do others. so dont expect us to be at your service, your royal
p.ps: i hope/wish/pray/want kenneth tan to get well sooon. be gone, you evil/nasty/mean/rude germs/bacteria-s! rawrrrr!
'm tired....
nightssss.
& the story continues;
| 1:37 AM |
| 1:37 AM |
Saturday, July 4, 2009
rants, rants, rants.
yello, people.
imma in a hermit mode.
times like this i wished i could have my bed in my own room...
where i could curl up like a little child under the blanket..
and feel safe and cozzzzzzy all over.
its times like this,
that i spent hours staring into space.. not thinking..
but reminiscing.
memories.. scenes flashed.
pre-school. childcare centre. wet market. yakult and bread for breakfast. macroni for lunch, jellies for dessert, biscuit for tea. times where i would slip into the kitchen to get extra jellies from the kitchen auntie.. or more carrots.. or just, trying to see what colours are the jellies available in, so i can decide faster... my first performance; where i got cold feet and hid backstage under table. cher had to practically shove me onto stage in the middle of performace. oh, the stupid guy seravan or smth who bit me till i cried. and the day i actually got irritated and bit him back, x100 harder. he cried and stayed away from me after. nyahaha. my pacifier got thrown away and i spent whole day crying and screaming at my cher. :) oh, the little goodie bags we all get when whoever birthdays are near. and stickerssssssss, spelling books. i remembered getting confused by my 'b's and 'd's. hence the word, "bress" -.- oh well.
------------------------------------------------------
primary school's carefree-ness. and stupid-ness. and naive. and innocent.
my straight As results. my certs and awards. my first choir musical performance. my first gown. my first competition. my first award, and many after. yaaaay, i got the level model student award and the school model student award. zomg. and the gold courtesy award. and my 0.5marks to becoming the first in level. tmd. audition in choir where cher asked me to breathe like balloon. oh, i wore my knee-length gown and climbed the monkey bars and swings. oh, art teacher likes me! he climb trees to get mangoes for me and gimme receipe too. heeheeeeee. my friend tore my storybook and i cried. cher sent him to principal office. and i tore his textbook for revenge. -.- there was one time someone sneaked into my pri sch and emptied detergent into pond. fishes died.. i spent whole recess squating beside the empty pond.. sigh. pri three was.. worst. from top five i dropped to third, frm back. pri four to six was fun... homework, assesment, tuitions, friends, books. smuggling food into class/tuition etc. running across the street for home to get stuff or hw. or textbook. hahaha miss angie, mr thomas and miss thila. gahhhhhhh, pffffft to mr thomas. mrssss tina tan, miss tan peck wan.. mdm soh, mr pang, mr tay, mr wahid, mrs raja.. our camp, sleeping in sch hall and going changi airport at 3am in the morning. 80 ppl. -.- slipping into empty music room and hid in storeroom when people walked in... screaming and shouting... laughing.. lots of laughing..
-------------------------------
secondary school's life.
104, 204, 309, 409.
clique, chan yu hong, jin bo zhao... vidya, chia, yellow tank, chng, ng( and his lao pok car), peter tan (who doze off during oral), choy jun nee (??),
stupid flying incident.. cheer competition -.- sports day ... mrs lee, lin lao shi.. mdm sia (!!!! @ her. HAHA), mrs raja, mrs sabah.. muaahaah. and free flow of homework and assignments. with deadlines and loussssssy marks.there was a time i hated my register number cos cher always like the number 4. complaintssssssssss. running frm class to class to borrow textbooks/files/homework. stairway lunch.. queueing up for yeee meeee. the greeen chilli and eggs.. and weird fish... the poisonous pasta stall... stupid rooftop garden.. cleaner auntieSS!! waving to each other retardedly whenever we passby classrooms. trips out with justin wee and quak shoujun.. mr yap.. horrid music lessons with the go mango walk song.. choir and us rushing for food after.. decorating classboard.. playing music on the speakers.. doing stupid scripts and plays.. oh, the dress made of recycling materials and mdm chia was our model.. HAHHAH CLASSIC.. PIE selling balloons... and the other time with milo freeze and cotton candy.. times where i laughed till goner.... 2.4km run with mr chee/ mr thomas on bike.... stupid cross country with mdm chia under umbrella and complaining sunnnnnny shit. sitting on lockers and just singing/chatting.
------------------------------------------------
its been a while since..
i last sat down with a good book.
or do a proper people watching..
or have a good meal without worrying about time...
or COLOUR MY COLOURING BOOOK
or feel peaceful..
or bake my cookies and muffinssss and try new receipes...
or laugh till my side ache
or do a proper blog update..
or shop (and spreeeee)..
or feel useful/ accomplished
or be social
or sleep for more than 6hours at one go
sigh.
goodnightsss.
& the story continues;
| 1:34 AM |
| 1:34 AM |
Saturday, June 27, 2009
i shall reply to tags here this time since there are too much
& i dont want to flood my own tagboard. -.-
i know all theese are from... like, one month ago.. SORRY!
THAM: heeeheeeee. 'm gonna seeeee yoooou soooooon. lol
PIPI: oei. still say hi to other ppl here.. -.- study lah! still laugh at me... zzZzz
FELLY: works makes people cranky. xD
FASIHAH: yeaaaah. :D i think less than one quater of whole class enjoy itp. sch reopens sure got a lot to complain/say to each other. LOL and if only they say if sch stops, itp stops too.. then i will vote for e-learning! hahha
DOM: I MISS SCHOOL TOO. ITP SUCCCCCKS! hahahahah
JUNHONG: tyty :D you also.. dont sick again, good way to lose weight, but not healthy.. and you dont need it. =.=
GUIXIANG: hello cousin! i think i havent seen you since... cny. LOL take caree too! (:
ERNEST LAW: call you cookie monster better... i will relink soon (:
SHAWN: HELLO. haha. i didnt know you read my blog. xD tyty (:
PAM: helloooo. i am seeing you on mondaaaay. lalalalala. hope your feet get well soon!
ENNA: tyty :D i will see you soooon (though idk when. :[ )
XUAN EN: hey! thanks!! see you when school reopensss! three monthss! heehee
MISS WEIRD: OMG. OMG. OMG. yeessss yessssss. i havent seen you online in such a long long time! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEEN, PARTNER!!!!???
SOGGY TAN: OKEEEEY. you sleep very late leh! -.-
ps:
MY PHONE SERVICES IS BACCCCK.
MUAAAHAAHAAA.
p.ps: i am at work.. till 1pm.
p.p.ps: 'm going out with tham tham later... :DDDDDD FLEA AND THEN TOWN till evening. LALALALA
byeeee.
& the story continues;
| 10:02 AM |
| 10:02 AM |
Friday, June 26, 2009
forgot to say:
i still can receive incoming calls and messages,
for the time being. :D
& the story continues;
| 11:55 PM |
| 11:55 PM |
everytime i finished an entry and wants to post,
the stupid error message came up.
and all goneeeee.
'll try again next time...
ps: should i stay up for absolute boyfriend? i read the comic version 2years ago and i got hooked. xD
p.ps: it starts 11.30pm. 2hr show.
p.p.ps: i got work tomorrow. tsk.
okey, maybe i should just hit the sack soon.
& the story continues;
| 10:50 PM |
| 10:50 PM |
i never doubted when he said he'd do anything for me.
that no matter what, he will do whatever he can/could.
the first few personS i look for when i needed to vent/talk/depend on, is of cos him and close ones.
i forgot that "anything" got a limit.
it stops at inviting own sister out of room so that we can be alone.
not fetching me after work. nothing.
when i said i dont feel like going over,
reply was just a "alright, tomorrow.".
nice. that, is anything.
hello.
my phone line is fk-ed up.
all out-going calls AND messages are banned.
it will probably resume on sunday,
after i pay the bills. :)
& the story continues;
| 5:45 PM |
| 5:45 PM |
