loves, i miss you;really.

2012-01-30T01:19:00.003+08:00

Something I really want to do:
Bring a nice clean mat and head to beach, lay it on the grass, curl up and just, rest.

How nice..

Not running away etc.
Just,
I think the world's getting kinda too dark and selfish for me now.

Who's true to you, who isn't?

Who's worthy of the trust, who isn't?

Who's staying, who isn't?

Why so conplicated.:(

And I think I shld ask for my name card to be printed.
Feels funny whenever I tell ppl, no I don't have namecard.

Yet it feels funny to have namecard (considering me a small fly there).

Wah sian.

2012-01-29T01:55:00.002+08:00

My rainbow white nails.

Hello you.

Cons's birthday party in evening,
And back home.
It's kinda tiring hosting 20+ ppl at your house at one go.
All dad's side.
TIRED.

Bones aching.

But to be able to see my little cousin's messy face from ice cream,
WORTHED IT.

So cute.
Messy kitten.

2012-01-28T20:31:00.002+08:00

Angry.

Keep asking me why bf isn't here.
Once, ok.
Twice, maybe you haven't heard.
Third time,
Don't expect me to repeat again.
It's irritating, geddit?

Bought 4+kg of ice cream back.
"Request" is just a polite way of asking me.
Called home cos it was too heavy.
No one could spare time.
Irritated, really.

New year, once a year.
Doesn't mean you can do tt.

2012-01-27T22:18:00.004+08:00

NEOPRINTS.
Yes.
You have to believe it.
Two 20year olds (soon to be 21), on NEOs.
Interesting hor?
Can't remember when was the last time I even stepped in front of that machine.

I admit I am old.
Can't change position/pose as fast as I used to.
Can't understand/ select those options as fast as I used to.
Can't decorate the prints as fast as I used to.
And I am not the only one.
I have to say: I am getting old. ( I know I said that alrdy)

And oh my!
You should go see for yourself the number of options and modes.
Xia si ren!

Cons's party tmr.
Then rushing home.
Rawrrrrrrr.

So many things so little time.

I want neos again :(
So addictive

2012-01-23T17:26:00.002+08:00

Grandpa's over for dinner ystd. (Dad's side)
Gave him ang bao.
Rehearsed a thousand and one lines to say to him.
But at the actual moment,
I couldn't say anything except 'give you'.
And couldn't stop hopping/ bouncing.
Hahahahahahaha
Fail...

Happy Chinese New Year (:

Yawns.
Overslept this year.
Woke 10.30am.
Hahahahahahah
Normally we'll be out of house by 9am.

Like every year,
We need to offer tea to parents. @.@
Difference is,
I gave them ang bao too.
LOL
Sigh.
Why no one offer me tea :/

Gave grandpa his red packet.
Mom's side.
Damn cute.
Went into room to check amount and came out grinning.
Hahahahah
Like some little kid.

Went grandpa's. (Dad's side)
Big sigh.
Another cute ah gong.
He returned me part of the $$$ I gave him yesterday in ang bao.
@.@

2012-01-22T20:27:00.002+08:00

Tired.
I baked from 5pm ystd..
To 9am this morning.
Through the night into the morning.
That's more than 12hours of insane baking :/
Holy shit.

Slept for 2hours,
And dragged bro out to do some shopping.
Bought some clothes for myself and him.
Total damage = 250++.
4 shirts + 2 pants for me,
2shirts + 2pants for him.
Inflation :/

Back home.
Grandpa is here for dinner.
So cute today :D

So now,
Left changing bedsheets, washing fan.. And preparing shoes for tomorrow (hello heels please be nice tmr).

Then,
I shall be free to do my nails.

Mom say whatever we do on new year, will represent what I do whole year.
Can i paint my nails, sleep and travel? :D

Hurry hurry.

2012-01-22T03:45:00.001+08:00

4am.
I am still up.
:/

Been baking.
Cornflakes cookies,
Oat meal cookies,
Peanut oatmeal,
And now choc chips with almond.

Sleepy.
And tired.
Not a good combo,
Considering all the swollen fingers now.
Taking tray without gloves and touching cookies just fresh from oven...
And resting fingers on oven.

Pain :(
Shall go stick my hand in the freezer and continue with pineapple tarts.

2012-01-21T13:57:00.002+08:00

Went Jurong Point.
Went Tiong Bahru.
Went Newton.
Went Bishan.
Went Novena.
Went Holland V.

Going Queenstown.
Then heading home.
How nice if I were to have a car.
No more running for bus and train.
Then again, I can't drive yet, so its not use.

Tiredddd. Been sitting here waiting for bro to appear.

Patience running out.
10more minutes he is not here,
I am heading home immediately.

Must make him pay for my transportation fees.

2012-01-21T10:04:00.000+08:00

Tired, but happy.
Finally I can give ang bao to my grandpas, god-grandmas & parents.
My own money.
Ho yeahhh
(Next is to learn driving so I can bring my grandpa out without having him walk so far.)

Finished spring cleaning @5am.
Threw out a lot of stuff,
Some unwillingly.
But that's just how everything is,
Gone whether you like it or not.

Long day today.
Going for my first pedi,
Meet up,
Bringing my bro to shop for his clothes and shoes,
Last minute grocery shopping,
Last round of baking.
And doing my own nails tmr.

Super tired alrdy.
Need to get new year over and done with.
Too rush,
I don't like :(

2012-01-17T20:13:00.002+08:00

Need to stop this bad habit of jumping onto whatever bus that comes along.
Needs to stop assuming they'll always head to mrt stations.

1.5hrs later, here I am, still on bus.
And no idea where I am.. Or where 'm heading to.

Suddenly feel as if,
I do tt to life too.

2012-01-16T18:20:00.002+08:00

Chatting w friend.
心寒
Two simple words she used to describe herself.
Suddenly I feel enlightened.
It fits me too.

心寒,无奈
Close, but not all.
Clos-est I can use... Idk.
Feels happy just because I can finally use something to describe what I was/am feeling.
Sad because, it's not exactly the best feeling.
But nothing's gonna change,
So why bother.

MC today.
I asked if he had happy pills to make people happy.
He asked me to go play and party.

But, I don't think that will make me happy.
Even lollipops lost that ability.

Suck it up and move on.
I need to unfavourite a lot of things.
And people.
Give them up for something/ someone better.
Don't blame me.
It's you.

2012-01-16T00:02:00.001+08:00

Just 5 minutes and I have to go back.
Haven't had dinner yet.
Think I'll just drink more water and head to bed.

That is, after cleaning up, washing up, wiping table, mopping floor and restoring kitchen to previous.
And washing hair + bathing.
And waiting for hair to dry.
And then climbing/ crawling back to bed.

Tired.
Emotionally, mentally, physically.

Planning a trip alone.
Not far.
Maybe johor or batam.. Or bintan.
Need to clear mind and soul.

Or I should just go to my favourite place.
Been too long...

2012-01-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

Trying to be happy.
Or not feel anything.

It just get so hard.
So disappointing.
So sad.
To deal with empty promises.

What can I say,
If he doesn't even remember what he promised?
Should've known better.
I did, but I still hoped.

Need to learn.

2012-01-15T19:00:00.000+08:00

I need dinner :(

I need a kitchen assistant.

*Whines*

2012-01-15T12:40:00.002+08:00

Tight schedule today.

Went to exchange my contact lens.
Went up by around 50+ each.
Left's 100 deg more than right.
My my.
And my eye's hitting 500 deg soon.
I am turning blind. :/

Last minute appointment for eyebrows.
Becoming very bushy.
Need to trim.
Threading's kinda painful,
And in balestier.
I prefer threading, looks better. But.
Too far, too little time to spare today.

Need to make a trip to toyogo.
A few things I need to get.
Need to make do now.
Till after cny.

Need to go Ikea.
But I don't like the quality.
Maybe 'll check neghbourhood shophouses first.
Cupboards/ drawers there are generally better quality.
And maybe cheaper.
W free setting up & delivery.

Tired.
Think I am aging.
21 soon.
No joke.

2012-01-15T02:33:00.001+08:00

*Do happy dance.*
Yayyyyy!

My new babyy.
Naming it Oven 2.
( No one can replace Oven)
Awesome matte.
Its capacity is twice of my previous oven.
(And expensive. 14 new opi. :[)

But.
For something as beautiful and important as this,
It's worthed it.

Practically dancing all the way home.
Heavy though, so bro volunteered to carry it home.
Yay! Sometimes it's good to have guys around :D :D

He says the other time he saw me this happy was when I bought my guitar in poly.
Yeah.
Guess so.. Wanted guitar for so many years..
Finally got it in Poly. Over the moon.
But guitar's... Pretty useless to me now.
I can't even remember the chords of lemon tree.
Sad, because I really love music.
Guitar and piano.
These two instruments were (maybe still are) my life-time dream/hope of mastering them.
And singing classes.
And that favourite song.
Nvm that now.
Doesn't really matter, I guess.
Slowly. One day. I will.

Hokay, back to sleep.
Just so excited and happy that I have to blog about this.

I hope oven 2 will be as nice as oven.
Lagging behind schedule for baking.
Extra early tmr.

Gambetteh!

2012-01-14T21:50:00.002+08:00

What a reunion dinner.
Honestly, I don't like it.

3 seperate tables, sticking with immediate family.
Ah Gong was with another table.
Whole 2hours, I never had the chance to talk to him.
A ' hi. Bye. Take care' , he is again gone in my uncle's car, back home.
Pissed. (Maybe my temper's short today)

I like it better when we're at grandpa's old house.
Every 20+ ppl in living room, eating together.
Eating fruits and watching television after.
Would help Ah Gong sweep floor, stack chairs etc.

Love it even more when Ah Ma is around.
Hug and kiss goodbye.
Wave from window till cannot see anymore.

Not the same anymore.

2012-01-14T15:34:00.002+08:00

I don't have an oven anymore.

To some, I may be over-reacting.
Idk.
This feeling just... Suck.

" Buy another oven, what's the big deal?"
Next week will be cny.
Where am I going to find a good and durable oven in such a short time?
Different oven, different functions, different heat.
Texture will be different.
I don't have time for experiments anymore.

I am still upset over my oven.
Only 2things I enjoying doing here: painting nails and baking.
I can't paint my nails because I need to bake.
I can't bake because my oven's gone. Spoilt. Died.

Like a singer who lost his voice.
Sports-person who sprained his leg.
Me, without music and baking.

Overeacting.
Maybe.

2012-01-14T11:23:00.002+08:00

Huge cry.
Curled up in corner of kitchen.
My oven was thrown away before I woke up.
My done brownies were thrown away.

I haven't even got to say a proper goodbye.

2012-01-14T04:40:00.002+08:00

It's almost 5am in the morning.
I am not asleep.... Not yet..

Too upset to sleep.

1) My mails haven't been arriving on time. More than 5days and there's still no sign of postman or my parcels. After monday, I'll go create havoc in post office and mass spam sellers. RAWR.

2) My oven's spoilt.
Yes. Oven's spoilt.
It's smoking, and I don't feel save to use it anymore.
Upset, because that oven saw me through many years of my life. Been here since 1st year in nan hua.
It baked many cookies and cakes for my friends.
It baked many nuggets and hashbrows for my breakfast.
And... Many of my failed experiments.
And baked a lizard.... With my melted tray holder.
It kept me company when I bake more than 12hours a day.
It never complains about my products and continued to work even after I gave up.
Tell me, how, is a baker supposed to bake without Oven?
What, am I going to do with 6kg flour, 4kg paste, 1kg milk powder.... And a mountain of containers?
When am I going to be able to use my brand new mixing bowl?

Turns out my leave today isn't as well/ productive as I hope to be.
Filled with disappointment, frustrations, desperation and irritation.

I felt as if, my partner died on me in a middle of... Mission.
Technically, it is.

Feel so down. :(

Oven, why did you abandon me? :( :(

2012-01-14T00:15:00.003+08:00

" I never thought ____________ "

That seem to be the favourite phrase now.

A close friend's dad passed away recently.
I never thought... That life's so fragile, that anything can be gone just like that..

Funeral.
So long since we last met.
I never thought we would all meet again like this, for a reason like this.

Looking around,
We aged.
Looking back when we were young(er),
I never thought we would grow up like this.

And
I never thought I would feel like this.

(:

2012-01-09T00:39:00.002+08:00

Tired.
But just can't get to sleeeeep.

Had weird dreams.
Talking rooster which went stiff and clawed me.
And me having a lot of while hair.

Just.. Weird.

Work's tmr.
Without eric again.
Makes me frustrated.

i Went to workshop alone.
Ho yeah.
Independent!

2012-01-09T00:39:00.001+08:00

2012-01-04T21:52:00.001+08:00

I don't stay in places I don't belong.
I don't stay in places I don't feel safe in.
I don't stay in places I am not wanted at.
I don't stay in places I am not needed.
I don't stay in places I don't fit in.

If you really wanted me to stay,
You would have gone all out to get me back.
You didn't.
Don't keep mumbling you understood.
Cos you don't, not a bit.

Somehow or rather,
It'll always become my fault.
Somehow or rather,
You'll always be the one to walk away freely.
Somehow or rather,
I am just not as important as i thought I was.

That, is all I understand.

2012-01-02T23:34:00.000+08:00

Hello you.

'M back from thinking land.
Spaced out sitting on the floor.
One hour plus of my life's wasted.
Tsk.

Recently been zonk-ing out often.
As if there's too much data overload and shutting down to prevent overheat.
That sucks, a big nono. :/

I get tired easily.
I give up easily.
But it takes a great deal for me to give up completely.
There are a couple of issues I threw in towel.
Because, everywhere's a dead end.

Trying to find my goals (for future, not just 2012).
Nowhere to be seen.
Trying to find my motivation in life.
Nothing..
Urgh, that's bad.
Very bad.

So heavy.
I need a breather.
Don't mean going overseas. (Though I wish/ hope/ pray - slowly working towards that. Gimme another year)
You know,
Just a place w no one.
And everything's own time own target.

Zleeping.

IMG-20111226-01368.jpg

2012-01-02T00:14:00.001+08:00

Dug out a lot of things during spring clean.
Threw quite a bit away.
But some... I know they're useless.
But I wanna hold on to them...
Just a bit longer. (Think next year cny)

Christmas is done.
So is Boxing Day.
And New Year.

School starts tomorrow.
Work too.
Students dread, teachers sweat.

A couple of things happened after Christmas.
Some I could help, some I couldn't :(

New year, new beginning.
No 'New Year resolutions', because.... Because.
A good enough reason.

Good luck people.
I know everyone needs that.
Grab some last minute rest, a productive sleep, and off you go!

Whether you like it or not.

2011-12-27T11:25:00.002+08:00

Train's empty today.
Empty= a lot of seats.
Even cars are lesser, easier to jay-walk.

Eric's hospitalized.
:(
Heard he fainted and hit head. Some minor surgery involved.
He's okay now..
Still.......
:(

Stanley's on leave today.
Feeling like some orphan in office.

And now I have to cover for 2ppl's job.
Tired.
900+ emails, deleted, saved, printed, replied.

And some females in office are really.......
Amazing.
Amusing.
Fasinating.

No shame, no guilt.

Interesting.

Can't wait for weekend.:/

2011-12-27T00:31:00.002+08:00

Feels like that.
Suffering from post- christmas I think.
:(

As if christmas never arrived.
Need another 365 days for it to be here again.

tired.
Work tomorrow.
Good thing's Eric's gonna be back tmr.
But Stanley's on leave tmr.

Bodyache and flu.
Part of it = allergic to dust and lack of sleep.

Okay, sleep.
Ciao

2011-12-26T15:07:00.003+08:00

Doing some spring cleaning today.
I am a hoarder, no kidding.
Not the serious kind (no I don't keep sweet wrappers or pees etc), but I keep things which are really old.
Old, but brings back a lot of memories. One of my favourites memories.

Above music score you see, was from my primary one choir musical.
My favourite song from my whole collection:

Title: Little Things

Little things,
That bring back memories
But not the real things
That made me so happy

Why, oh Why
Is life filled with little things
Cause sorrow or happiness
The meaningless little things
The meaningless little things

Trinkets and toys and ballons
Diamonds and golden doubloons
Are but things,
Little things
Precious things
Just to please us so.

Why, oh Why
Is life filled with little things
Cause sorrow or happiness
The meaningless little things
The meaningless little things

Yeah, 'm that cheery when I was young.
And matured.
Hahahaha.

Sadly, none of my family members came for my musical (I was in front row ok).
Even though I used my own pocket money to buy the tickets.
Not so much as ' bear grudges'.
Just, disappointment.

Neh mind.
Meaningless little things
(:

2011-12-26T11:36:00.004+08:00

Mum's driving me up.... Mount Everest.

Woke me up 7am in the morning to go work.
Told her I don't work on public holidays, she screamed at me. Zzzz

Woke up anyway,
And she screameddddddd.

Let her scream,
She screamed somemore.

And she denied and acted pitiful to her bestfriend.
Said she didn't cane me when I was little, and she don't believe in violence.
My ass.

And she goes church now.
2 days in a row.
For eve and christmas.
I have nothing against church.
But she's the one opposing us going,
And now she herself went,
Just to be with her friend.
And to 'see see look look'
Acting holy.
Fake, don't you think?

And dad.......
He makes me jump off cliffs.
I know he's my dad.
But seriously,
Can he be more matured and sensible?

Sis.
Makes me wanna smack her and smash her head against the world.
I know, siblings and the blood thicker than water shits.
Shouldn't have saved her sorry ass when my bro went crazy. (Should've joined him in smacking her)
She never did learn.
Never.
Now she's acting like those stupid potatoes screaming and acting like queen when mum's not home.
Just cos she suck up to her.
I said act 'like a queeen', because she just looks like a lump on sofa screaming.
Even bro says she shld be taught a lesson she'll never forget.
Agreed. ONE FATEFUL DAY, I will.
She always manage to bring out the worst in me, even in my BEST mood.

Rawrrrrrrrrr.

2011-12-25T23:32:00.002+08:00

I spent my Christmas Eve at home.
I know, surprisingly.
But I got to cook for grandma too.
K helped with ~~did most of~~ the washing.
Spent eve night.... Painting nails... And reading recipe books...
Yeah, 'm exciting like that.

Christmas was spent.....
With my favourite girlfriend. :)
MADE MY DAY. :DD
Impromptu (not really) outing to dessert @ rochester park.
What's Christmas without my happy pill & little cakes? :)
Happily exploring Art Friend in Bona Vista mrt...
And wandering back and around queens. :D
She can fit into kids' clothes, so cuteeee! (Not new... But still..... ) *envy* :(
Heh.

Happy christmas spent!
Looking forward to next week!
xoxo

Ps: I can't believe I brought a big umbrella out today. KIASU omg.

2011-12-25T01:39:00.002+08:00

SEASON GREETINGS.
HO HO HO.

Look at my christmas nails.
I decided to be smart.
Paint smth that can last me from christmas till new year.

Left hand's christmas, right's new year :D HOHOHo.

'M sleepy.
Backache, here ache there ache.
Yet I can't seem to fall asleep :(
(No, not waiting for santa)

Rawrrrrrrr.

HOHOHO people.

2011-12-23T15:15:00.002+08:00

Rough day at work.
Wished had taken MC and rolled up in some hole.
Away from this weather, away from some people.

Office politics and weird working ethics makes a very cranky me.
Like NOW.
Feel like throwing my angry bird toys at their face.
And make angry bird faces.
Rawrrr. ASS.
*STORMPS around & BANG files*

2011-12-21T00:19:00.004+08:00

Eric flew away.
:(
'M covering him for the weeek.
Work and mails started piling in just AFTER he left.
Annoying.
Why can't they call/ email when he's in office..?
Rawrrrr.

Makes me re-consider my job.
It's kinda stress-ful.
Sandwiched between charterer and owners... And occasionally, boss too.
TSK.

good thing's eric will be back next weeeeeek (yay!).
Sad thing's.. He's flying to melbourn (his 2nd home) in first week jan... For a month. :(
One whole month without him.
Thinking about that makes my inside flipped upside down.
Now I get what's his 'slowing fading away' meant.

Do I want to work like this for 2more years?!? (Or do I have the ability to?)

Sigh.
I am gonna regret when people around me are getting their degreeeeeeeeee smack into my face.
Okay, maybe not.
To some extent, I guess :/

2011-12-16T22:36:00.002+08:00

When you thought there's hope;
They usually disappoint.

It meant nothing.

Felt as though..
Rudely pushed on the floor and trampled on.
Can't say anything,
Because it'll never get across.

Words are just words.
But talk is cheap.

Don't say I love you.
Because, those are just words.

2011-12-15T18:25:00.002+08:00

I think, I am getting forgetful.
Or.. More forgetful lately.
Horrible, terrible, vegetable.
:(

I kept running back to my house to pick up ezlink card/ keys/ phone.
Or that I keep setting my alarm to 6pm, which will ring when 'm to get off work...
And leave me sleeping when I should be getting up for work at 6am....

Or .. Having so many files on my table that, I've forgotten what's what, where's where.
Or what file I was doing...
Or what claims I am calculating...
Or what I asked my mentor about.
Awful, because it's discouraging sometimes.

Especially today.
Where there's the studying, wondering & concerned eyes.
"Are you okayyyy?"

Idk how to answer that.
Except "yeah. Hmm sorry. 'Ll get it done now."
Or the
" Yes sir. Sorry, 'll give it to you later."
Yeah.
I'd rather he lash out at me. Maybe that'll make my brains move a bit.
Being so nice just makes my brains..... Mellow. :(
Like how snails crawl? (Why do they call it crawl? They just keeep sucking on the space in front of them?!?)

Anyway, yeah.
Forgetful.
I forgotten to post out cards.
Because..... I forgotten that I need addresses to send.
And stamps....
And I've forgotten to bring it to work (so I can write addresses during lunch).
Which means it's a question mark if they can reach peeeeeps on christmas. Before christmas.
Bet Singpost is jammed up with christmas cards.
Maybe they'll reach by new year.
So maybe I shld add a 'HAPPY NEW YEAR' on the envelope?
Pffffft.

And my christmas cupcakes.
I just remembered them today.
Shit.
Need to call to tell them when I am gonna go pick up.
Expires end of this yearrrr.
They'll eat up my money if I don't collect. :/

So many things to remember.
Head's exploding.

2011-12-12T01:22:00.002+08:00

Waiting for them to cool :)

Sense of achievement.

Sleepy alrdy.

2011-12-11T20:23:00.000+08:00

Idk how to start pineapple tarts.

What if I failed?

2011-12-11T19:12:00.002+08:00

Frustrated.

Baked 9trays of cookies.
Burnt 2trays.
Under-cook 1tray.

First in history. Of my life.
I, Had never failed so many trays before. Ever.

The taste is fine, texture is there, colour is okay.
'M picky about baking.
Esp mine.
I threw all into the dustbins.
I threw what's left of the batter.
But I still feel miserable/ failed.
I look at the 6trays worthed, and wanted to throw them all away too.

No one cares here.
Only one who cares in this house, is grandma.
But she is dead.
I offered her my cookies anyway, with a cup of kopi.
They say grandma will be able to eat when I light the joss-sticks and call to her.
I did that. But idk if she wants to eat those cookies.
A tad too sweet, and she has diabetes. Or had.
Does people in heaven has diabetes too?
'Ll make oat and wholegrain ones for her next time.

If she is here, she'll know what to do, what to say. She always does. Or did. Even if she don't know what happened.
Pull me into her arms, stroke my hair and hug me tight.
Talk to me and tell me things I needed to hear.
And just, be there for me and protected me till i am okay again.
She always managed to do that.
After that she'll go into kitchen to make me some comfort food.

Looking at her smiling photo makes me want to bawl very loudly.
She won't be able to tell me if my cookies are nice.
She won't be able to tell me everything's gonna be alright.
She won't be able to hug me in her arms and listen to me ramble on.
I wont be able to watch her on her sewing machine and hear her tell me her life stories.
She is not here.

Stupid cookies.

2011-12-11T17:41:00.001+08:00

Don't find comfort.

Don't hope for comfort.

Cos most likely you'll be disappointed.

Instead, be your own comfort.

2011-12-11T13:54:00.002+08:00

Met up w hazel today.
She passed me stuff she bought from Finland for me. :D
A big choc block (called PANDA) with a panda logo. Super cuteeee!
And sunblock w cloudberry!

What's cloudberry? Its a berry that looks like a cloud!!! Serious! Go google. Very prettyyyyy! :)

Going to remove my nail polish, and then wait.
Mom's in kitchen.
(Yes, never ending war. _|_)

And I am going to bake.
Needa dig out receipe book to double check!

2011-12-11T00:31:00.005+08:00

Happy day!
Got to practice dotting and exercise my creative cells (which is.. Non-existence)
FUN! Chop chop going next one. (Then i'll sell mine for next next next's fees. LOL)

Pancakes are awesomeee (but I won't be eating them again anytime soon. 3's a lot! :P)

Wished could stay longer/ stay nearer.
SIGH.
And I wanna get out alone too.
Need to learn where's the register counter and hw to check in baggies. :(
INDEPENDENT. (Actually just for freedom and thrill, nothing much about this)

Christmas christmas!
Feee fii foo fumm.
Rubbishxzx.
Neh mind.

Happened again.
" I expected more from you. Been watching you from the start."
Talk about ... Lowering morale.
I mean, ok... She is erm.. Paying a teeeny weeeeny attention to me.
But.. I just felt so disappointed and a disappointment.
:( :(
Cos I she went around and all I heard was praises.
Rawrrrrrrr.
It's kay. I know I messed up. But it's still mine :/

Been sensitive to all these for a couple of months alrdy.
Ever since the confirmation issue.
Felt like, not because I couldn't perform. I can, I did. But it just fall short of their expectations (aka under-perform).
Like how you started out dynamic and then you fall to 'normal'? And how people pointed finger and you failed?
Yeah, that.
And how no matter how hard you try, you couldn't do it right?

Makes me wanna work hard, but it gets so tiring being weighed down by the big rock called 'expectations' sometimes.
There is this one time Eric (my lovely cute mentor) told me ' I expected more than these. You know you can. Just shine. '
Makes me wanna bawl on the spot.
I'm running very fast, can't you see ? :(
Idk if it's my max, but it sure is my damn-est alrdy. :(
Another time (5+years ago?)my choir instructor told me ' you're a star, you shine... no matter what, keep shining. Cos that's what you do."
At that time.. I thought he meant my happy/noisy character. And sigh. Got enlightened after he left (angily). @.@

Shine shine shine!
That's why I bought my glow in the dark polish. :D :D
Heheheheheheh

Okay, enough of those -.-""" faces.
'Ll work double hard @work.
Promise. :)

2011-12-10T10:04:00.002+08:00

Needs to get out of house.

But...
Meeting gf at 1pm. (YAY)
It's only 10now.
Post office... Only opens 12pm.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Angsty x 1000000000000 + frustrated x 2000000000.

Stop screaminggg.
I can't believe how she can talk nicely on phone (w other ppl) and suddenly, screeeeeams like there's no tomorrow.
What's wrong with lazing in bed @8am on a saturday?
Rawrrrrrrrr.
Pushed me around the house and cant stop her ramblings/ complaints etc.
I think my neighbours now know that I 've forgotten to lock wooden door (last weeeeeek) and forgotten to close window( maybe 10 years ago?) And forgotten to put my shoes on shoe rack (last night).
Not cool.

I AM BITCHY NOW.
Scream somemore & 'll bite your head off.
PUI.

2011-12-09T00:30:00.000+08:00

Tired.

More than tired, actually.
Been dragging myself to work....
And forcing myself to drink herbal tea and juices to top up my vitamin C.

Irritating, frustrating, annoying.
That pretty much sums up 80% of my emotions.
K said 'm angsty.
:(
Angsty is for teens.
'M a woman now. :/

Tired.
Of being tired.
Of being rushed around.
Of going round and round endlessly.
Of going.. Unremembered/ noticed.

Never got to finish much talking/whinings.
People only care for themselves, I know.
But it would be nice... If.... If.
It's kay.

Just, don't harp on me not talking.
You know it's because you didn't listen.
You, you, you and you.

Doesn't matter. :)

2011-12-07T20:26:00.000+08:00

Topic(s) for today: Relationships. Him. I. Parents.

Actually, relationships are <3 - ie. Less than 3 persons.
Yet.
They are usually (normally) inclusive of ... Parents.
It's one thing to be protective, another to be 'setting limits).
But, it's a whole different thing, when they are being unreasonable.

Yeah, parents.
You gave me life, you raised me up.
But you do not have the authority to crush me and ground me unreasonably.
You, should not ru(i)n my life.
I respect you.
And I hope to be treated with the same, if not, with basic respect you have for other human beings.

When I was young, I feared.
Fear of being abandoned, fear of becoming not good enough.
Every single time you threaten/blackmail, I cowered and cry. I gave in without questions, no matter how badly I wanted some things. Example? Childhood.
Yes, I had good results.
Yes, I was top of the class.
I can't deny I wasn't proud of those little acheivements.
But.
You know whenever people talk about me, whenever teachers recall me.. I am remembered as the girl who aced studies but never had time for tv/ outings?
That, is my regret.
Results, though important, are not everything.
Studies, though important, does (and never will) equates to life.
Seriously, when you're in society, no one cares if you can draw those 'models'. No one cares if you know how many chicken and cows in a farm just by the number of feet.
It's the society. Damn society that makes you feel... Makes you think.. That everything's based on education and money.
No education= stupid/ uncivilised.
No money= low status/ POOR
No education and no money= 100% no talk.
Education doesn't make oneself any civilised. Look around you. Which degree holder has nice temper and is understanding/ caring? Not many.

I grew older, wiser. I have my own choices, own opinions.
I remembering being whacked/ caned/ verbal abused when I was in secondary school.
I crawled under table when I was in pri sch or younger, because I was afraid of being caned.
Then, in secondary sch... I stood there stubbornly refusing to give in.
Kinda more like,
I won't give in even if I am caned to death.
Because I stubbornly believe, I didn't do any wrong.

Then now, yesterday.
You waved the cane in front of me, in my face.
Shouting, screaming at 12 in the morning.
You threatened to ground me.
You used stuff to blackmail me.
You use other stuff as your weapon to hurt me.

It's late. But not too late to have some enlightenment.
I am 20 now.
Maybe 'll only live till 60.
You controlled 1/3 of my life.
Enough is enough.
I won't give in anymore.
And guess what?
I am fighting back.
This is my life, I live it the way I want to.
Maybe your marriage didn't turn out well.
Maybe your first relationship didn't turn out well.
It's none of my business, because, I.AM.NOT.YOU.
I am happy, comfortable and everything else nice with whoever I am making friends w and w whoever I love.
Enough of 'first love don't last' talk.
Enough of 'accidents' and 'mistakes', enough of 'biggest regrets'.
Enough of threatening to take them all away from me.
i worked my damn-est.
he worked his damn-est.
To make things work out, to make us work.
I won't let you cane me.
Neither will I let you take what's mine.

2011-12-07T08:38:00.002+08:00

Think money's the motivation.
How else to explain being late for poly and super early for work (even though its 20mins more travelling time).
Hahahahahahahah

Okay, kidding.
Poly's just plain laziness.
It's either I am punctual or skip altogether.
(Cos late = absent)
I woke up so early for nan hua ok! And had the energy to run for bus/train. (Y)

Otw to work now.
Feeling so tired/ fked before the day starts.
Cannot imagine when eric's gonna go for long leave (7th to 25th Jan) or when he goes surgery.
Makes me wanna just sleeep a month's worth.
Sigh.
One thing I learnt,
Suck it up and move on.
Once you lag behind, Hell's gonna let loose.

2011-11-28T08:16:00.001+08:00

Hello you, December.
Here we meet again.
The lights are out, trees are up.
Carols playing everywhere. Christmas is coming ^^

I've always like Christmas.
Atmosphere's lighter,
Environment prettier,
Everyone's nicer.
Even strangers are friendlier.

Yayyyy!

2011-11-22T21:57:00.001+08:00

Hei Ho!
Meet dressy, all dressed up for CHRISTMAS :D

Since the last post.. I learnt how to knit!!! :D
Sadly, those on dressy aren't by me. My BOYFRIEND knitted them. Heheheheheheheheh

Stopped taitai lunch (aka dessert lunch) cos...
1) Too costly
2) No time for lunch
3) Too far :(

Sad :( its kay. Make do with polar sugar roll... And jelly from NTUC. (:

anyway, no matter how hungry you are or how badly you crave ramen, DO NOT go ajisen ramen. One word: YUCK.

Work's okay. Getting more hectic. Not surprising, but still.. Draining. Table's constantly piled with work and files, emails all jamming up.

In need of a off-day for myself. Think: Lazing in bed all day and drifting in and out of sleep... In air con.

Shiok ah!

2011-11-02T00:32:00.002+08:00

Working makes me keep track of days because 'm always looking at dates everyday.

Yet.

It makes me lose track of days because... Usually 'll rush through the day w work, and a new day awaits whenever I wakes up.

Big sigh.

The ultimate reason why we need to do happy things. To keep ourselves happy.

Found a happy hobby to do to keep myself happy.
Eating desserts for lunch.
There's just something about desserts that makes me happy.
Nice cakes, pretty cupcakes etc, yummmmmmm.

Work, look forward to dessert lunch (and act tai tai), continue work. And that's sufficient to keep me happy till work ends.
:D :D

weather's been pretty bad these days.

Must not fall sick :/

2011-10-29T13:18:00.002+08:00

I wonder what/how it feels like to work in a bank.
Busy? Boring?
But good money, I suppose?

Been sitting here at this particular bank for so long. Over an hour and I am still waiting.
Someone cut my queue.
All because he is depositing 10k to open an account.
All bankers etc floated to him.
Wah lau.
Rawrrrrrrr angry!
Biase!
Worse than racist!
Okay, not worse, but still it's annoying!!!!!!
Sigh.
Passing my time with other ppl's kids. Not kidding.
So many babies around.
:D :D love how they can always warm up to strangers so fast and ahgoogoo to them.

Anyhowwwwwwww, 2more to my turn.

Hungry :/ they should buy me lunch. *whines + complain*

2011-10-22T11:50:00.003+08:00

Saw the video from Crescent Girl's School.
Awfully sweet proposal, awesomely sweet couple.
Been long since I saw something so happy.

(Note: I know of a few guys saying the video 'spoils market' for future guys who wanna propose. But really, think of it this way. YOU are asking for someone to hand over the rest of her life to you. If we don't see efforts and sincerity for this one big step, why do you think you deserve a yes? >:/ )

I am sure girls who watched it cried (or shed a tear).
I did, just a few.
because of the sweet groom-to-be, because of the looks/reactions of bride-to-be.
So pure, so sincere, so.. Happy.

Some described that as real-life modern fairytale.
Agreed; because the princess was swept off her feet and live happily ever after.
But.. Fairytales usually(most likely) ends with (more than) happy endings.
That, is just their beginning.

Pessimistic;
But I don't really... Think marriages will be happily ever after.
Look around..
Okay, maybe people around you are happy and blissful + whatsnot.
Mine isn't.
I see broken families, dishonest men(idk if they're even considered men), weepy woman, unwanted (and confused) kids.
That, makes me want to stay single FOREVER.

Why, give someone(s) the rights/chances to hold you down and hurt you, for LIFE?
How do you know/ how sure are you, that you'll be happy?
How do you know/ how sure are you, that everything's gonna be okay?
How do you know/ how sure are you, that you won't be left alone? That he's not thinking about another girl when you're in his arms.

Honest, loyal.
But what about 10years later.
Will you be so sure?
After he's been in society for so long, after he has seen/heard/know his friends/office mates being unfaithful (& went scot-free after).
Then, will you be as sure ?
If yes, I am happy for you.
But I don't have as much faith, I don't have as much confidence.

I've seen my fair share of tragedy.
I've seen my fair share of ugliness of this world.
Shocked at first, but now.. Just, sad.
Maybe not as much as older people,
But enough to make me lose faith in humanity.

Someone once said me 'How much do you think you are worth? A lot? But, that's just YOUR thoughts. And thoughts, are worthless. Mine are worthless too. Everybody else's too. What do you think of that?"

I think, I should do something happy.

2011-10-21T23:23:00.002+08:00

What happens when everything just went SMACKK in your face?

2011-10-16T18:10:00.000+08:00

I always shop when I am upset.
Good thing is, most of them are stuff which I need/ want, but haven't got the mood to splurge.

Which is why, I ended up with one whole pack of dumpling, 4carrots, broccoli, and a brguette.

Been eating a lot of brguette these days.
About.. 4 in this week (including this)?
Idk, but something about munching on it makes me feel a teeny weeny bit better.
Maybe cos it keeps me busy.

Oh, back to retail theraphy.
This grocery trip burnt a hole in my pocket.
More than 20bucks. :/

But I am still not feeling better.

Continue to eat brguette.
Bye.

2011-10-16T17:20:00.002+08:00

Clear your life up.
Make a list.

Things you want.
Things you don't want.
Things that make you happy.
Things that make you sad.
Things that kills you.
Things that you can't live without.

What if, the same thing appears in all of the columns?

What would you do?

2011-10-15T03:10:00.000+08:00

Nice cup of hot chocolate/milk would be awesome now.
Too tired, but I can't sleep.
A lot's been going through my head, so fast that I can barely keep up (with myself @.@).
Plus, my hair's still wet.
Should I cut it short? :(
Nvm, I shld wait till next year end. :D hopefully it'll be long enough for me to dye + digital perm + cut.
Grow Hair Grow!!!!

Work's fine.
I am getting lazier.
No good.
At this rate, idk what I will become. :(
Don't like what I am changing into.

A good example.
I saw a grumpy old man with stick, going down a couple of sstairs. He looked like he's having trouble w walking.
I kept turning my head to see if he went down safely.
Only left when I saw he's fine. But that's not the point. I couldve went up to offer help.. But I didn't. :( by not helping, how am I different from those people who hurried off? :/

Another example.
Being more picky about food/place I eat in.
Bad, because when I am PICKY, I really am. :(
Bad habit, really.

Best example.
Squeezing in trains for the past 4months.
Almost comparable to running 2.4(tiring).
Okay, 2.4 is not tt uncomfortable. Urghhhhhhh.
There's a couple of times where some people will keep elbow-ing into you or just, LEAN onto your back/body cos their lazy.
In the past, I kept quiet and wish train to move faster.
Now.... I will turn and stare. If I am really pissed I will kick the shoes/elbow back.
Seeeeee? I am turning evil.... :(

Look at the time!
Me shall try to sleep.
Yeah. Try.

2011-09-28T00:02:00.002+08:00

I feel happier now.

Even though getting out of sg isn't my idea...
I feel that somehow it helped me.
Being in a strange land and exploring.
That's the joy of travelling, isn't it?

Been happier at work too.
It's.. Easier being myself.
Laughing and chatting with office friends.
Made me realised... Why I didn't fit in for the 3years.
Its not me.
Its not them either.
Just, I don't belong there, neither could I fit in.
Because we are too different.
Views, opinions, characteristics.
I don't have any problem fitting in anywhere else.
So yeah.
I 'seem to be more fun' now?
No.
I am me. The same me.
You didn't bother to read in deeper, you didn't bother to understand.
Dont be so surprised.

I am not like you.
I am better.

2011-09-17T01:36:00.003+08:00

Long since I'm here.

Actually, not.
A few draft which I deleted.
Not worth keeping, I guess.

Been busy.
With work, life.
Neither work nor personal life seem to be heading anywhere/doing well.

Its hard to just, work.
To bite my tongue and absorb all those million and one disgusting habits of some people there.
Yeah, I get it.
Benefit ownselves. Own family.
But... Having all your (not so friendly/considerate) brothers and sisters (and whatsnot) in the company... Not cool.
Esp when _______'s wife organise 'beauty talk' (aka sell beauty product. Hard core/ sell type)and whole company's female is ... Almost compulsory to attend.
And what's with those... High society clubs (charity as disguise I heard. Pay 200 annual fee to volunteer to be volunteer).

And having little girl running around office after office hours...
Oh... ____ had 6scissors on her table... (Which means 6 ppl's scissors are taken from desk/drawers).. Some soft toy/decoration missing..
Nope, not implying she stole.
But you know, maybe she did accidentally took it home.
Afterall, she's... Not even 5. Kids love mickey mouse.... Bought from disneyland. (Expensive taste)

Not to mention some.... Zzz.

Work just drains me everyday.
Its fun sometimes.
But draining all the time.
If it wasn't for some nice people I meet, I'd be in depression by now.
I just hope I'll be confirmed soon.
One less worry off my overloaded mind. Put my heart at ease please.

Idk.
Feel as if ... 'M slapping on different masks everyday.
One for work, one after work.
Trying to keep myself busy to take mind off things.
I feel myself wearing out.
I feel myself weakening.
Emotionally, physically.
Terribly.
It hurts to smile,
But I don't have the energy to bawl.
Even breathing is draining.
It's hard to be strong sometimes.
But that's just how things are.
I just have to keep repeating 'I'm on my own. I'm on my own. I'm on my own.'

I am on my own.

I am.

2011-08-16T12:24:00.000+08:00

Today's topic: love.

Strange thing, isn't it?
It makes your heart pump and fills you with indescribable joy and infinate butterflies.
Yet.
It feels you with dread, makes you paronoid, rudely plunge you down to the bottom and infinate knives plunging inside you.

Heaven and hell.
What an understatment.

Irony much?
Yes and no.
Yes, because of the extremes.
No, because once you're in it, it's... Part of the package.
If you get what I mean.

just hope/wish I'll have the chance to be one of those old couples around.

They're mostly ang moh couples though.

So, I guess I won't have that luck? :/

2011-08-13T02:25:00.002+08:00

Look at the time!
(My fave phrase now)
Esp during work where I would just keep doing and everytime I look up, it's one or two hrs later.
Magic!
Okay, not.

Anywayyyyyyy, I am sleepy.
But not that sleepy enough to sleeeep.
Zzzzz

Work's fine.
I dare say it's more.. Productive than usual today.
I feel as if they're trusting me more now.
I can sign off with my OWN name at end of emails and don't have to let them double triple check every emails I send out.
I mean, small fry I know.
But it just feels nice you know?
Like you're properly introduced instead of 'this is my friend' and no one knows your name even after a couple of months.
When I am confirmed, 'll have my own namecard. (I heard)
Coooooooooooool shit right.
Look so pro.

'M gonna frame my first proper namecard.
:D :D :D

2011-08-12T17:42:00.002+08:00

My try in getting that camera.
There's nothing to lose right?
I've lots of stamps and envelopes in stock.
And I've been religiously drinking sunkist everyday.
Tempted to get the 2litre pack which will do so much more justice to my pocket compared to the 250ml bottles.

So, back to trying my luck.
Hahahaha
Terms didn't state limit entries, so I sent 3.
In 3 different sizes and colours.
One thing though, ends 15 aug, which is monday.
Which means I must keep my fingers crossed that singpost is doing their job (productively & efficiently with no lost mails).

*cross fingers*

2011-08-12T01:10:00.002+08:00

Can't sleep.
Not because 'm not tired.
In fact, I could hardly not yawn for a minute :(

My pillow... Sucks.
Neck pain/stiff. All thanks to beloved sinking pillow.
And spoilt air con.
And noisy fan. (Its almost 10years old)
Urgh...
Problems with pillows bought, I rarely like/ adapt to any.
been wanting to make myself one, but 've been busy with work. :( :(
Its easssy to make one. Like erm sew the sides, stuff in cotton till packed and sew it up! But it'll take half a daaaaaay :(
I don't even have time to paint my nails proper anymore. *whines*
If anyone present me with handmade big fluffy pillowwww, 'll be your servant (for as long as the pillow keeps me happpppy). LOL
My sis says she'll marry for money + endless food.
Which is zzzzzz.
Think she'll have endless weight gain.
Ewwwww.

work's fine.
'M finally working on more stuff. (Maybe they decided I am not as blur as I look afterall)
It's good to try out more stuff - more experiences and more ... Fun.
Forgotten a lot of things taught in poly. (Hey one module only, and with ~~slackiest~~ nicest captains. )
Need to read through notes for refresher.
And no, I still can't memorise maps.

But: I knowwwww where's north and south america, australia, singapore. :D

Improvement righttt? :D

Neeeed.sleeep.

2011-08-01T01:52:00.005+08:00

Still up.
Look at the time.
Lovely.

Oh hi.
I'm back.
For now...

Work's .. Fine.
I guess.
Life's.. Pretty boring.
Love's... Okay I guess.

Been out and back from trip.
Neh, don't really have the photos.
My camera sucks.
And I regretted not getting the disposable camera there :(

To sum things up:
Food is awesome.
People are awesome.
Snorkelling is... *no words to describe*
Don't like lizards and cockroaches though. Feels as if I invaded their privacy :P

I think 'll survive there pretty well even for a full week.
Might be boring/ no fun for some.
But it suits me pretty well.
Sun, rain, clouds, fish, clear water, good food, nice air, sunrise/set, swings, desserts. Freedom.
(Shall post up some pics soon-ish)
Gimme a good book, good camera, good sunblock, and I'll be all set for the day/week. Hahahah
Realised I must be pretty worn out to feel like that, so ... Comfortable with own time and freedom.
I mean, young girls shouldn't feel like that.. @.@ that's what my mom said too.

urgh.
Okay, I lied.
Work's not fine.
I have to read maps, again.
Reading maps is okay.
But memorizing them? You're kidding right?
Not as if I didn't try hard enough.

Everytime I think of world maps and my in charge's face, I wanna puke.

Because I feel so nervous/ tensed/ stressed. And shameful/ guilty.

Its not my teachers' fault I don't know where philipines is. So stop asking me if my teacher(s) really taught me world maps.

And 'm not a retardd. I.just.can't.memorise.world.maps. (Or the ports there) :(

Still can't sleep.
Probably cos of the stack of papers in my hands.
Was told I am to get lessons in between work time. 2-3hrs a day. So as not to 'stretch me too much'. About oil/ worldmaps/history.

I think'll have nightmares about them.. :( :(

Work at 7.
Sucks that its alrdy 2+am now......

Ciao

2011-07-20T21:05:00.002+08:00

Dear kenneth tan,

Happy monthsary!

I love you.

Hugs and kisses when I get back.

Be good & take care

Love,
Xuan.

2011-07-20T10:49:00.004+08:00

Oh well.
On mc today.
Timely, kinda.

I feel bad not going work,
Because there's some lunch with some other company people today. Namely, clients.
Firstly, I don't like making small talks with strangers.
Secondly, I don't like having lunch (face to face resturant kind) with strangers, whom you have to leave good impression.
Thirdly, I don't know what to say/ do/ wear.
Forthly, I'm not even close with whoever I going in my company.
Fifthly, I haven't packed for my trip.
Sixthly, I haven't change my malaysia currency.
Lastly & most importantly,
I don't think I am ready for all these adult world. Yet.

So yeah. Back to doctor topic.
Went docs to take medicine.
Thought maybe I can go take some meds and head to office for second half of day.
Feels weird because I am still on probation.
Went docs, and he gave me mc without asking.
And a bagful of medicine.
Which include tablets for cough + asthma.
And stronger antibiotics for 5days.

Either I am really sick,
Or the doctor is ... Zzz.

Oh well.
So that's how I got my mc.
Guilty, but relieved.

Shall take meds to sleep.
Or pack first. LOL

2011-07-13T13:45:00.001+08:00

Hate working life.
Wakes when sun is barely up,
Home when sun sets.
Only thing that's moving me on is : ' I'll move up the ladder. Soon.'

One friend came to me asking....
What's the world turning into?

The world is always the same.
It's just, we were all too young to see all these clearly.
Guess you can say, the grass is always greener on the other side.
When we're growing up, we all wished we can be like adults: freedom, money, love, freedom, money, love.
We see all those pretty things, cool gadgets raining down if we were adults.
Yet, after growing up... After reaching 'the other side',
We know we're in deep smelly shit. Right in the center, no chance of escape till death.
We see ugliness of the world.
Lies, unfaithful-ness, betrayal, more lies, more damaged souls.
You see people being worn down, broken inside out.
Soon after, you discover you're beginning to crack, you broke apart. The pieces of you shattered further. They won't stop, until you're destroyed.
You're broken inside out, completely damaged.
People just walk right pass you without a second glance.
You picked up the pieces, cut yourself in the process.
but they don't hurt.
Because when you're damaged, you feel nothing.
Because nothing hurts more than heartbreak(s).
You look around you. So many broken souls.
You look around you. So many broken hearts.

And you wonder,
What did I actually see when I was young?
There's nothing here.
No money, only bills.
No freedoms, only contracts and commitments.
No love, only wilted hearts.

That, is the world we're all in.

2011-07-13T00:44:00.003+08:00

Keep them safe where they won't ever get taken away.
Because that's the wisest choice one can make.

Wits end.
I tried everything, but you don't seem to understand.
I thought, finally at least 20% of me, is understood.

I don't think so.

And I don't think you ever will.
Because 'm not worthed it.
This, I can understand.

2011-07-12T23:12:00.001+08:00

Showing my ugly bare nails.
Yes, its totally unbuff + no polish + no shaping.
At all. :/
My only free time everyday is LUNCH. Don't mind if they don't mind me stinking up the office :(
But hey!
My nails are biggggggggger.
Not like expanding kind.
Its longer = bigger surface area. Hahahha
Extending kind. :D
Gonna try to keep them at this length.
Looks very long, but its only at normal length of other ppl's. :( :(

I haven't use my birthday wishes! (I think. If not, use next year's. Its kay)
I wishhhhhhhhhhh.......
for a goood sweeeeeeet night sleep :(

Day sleep also can.
'Ll close curtains.

2011-07-12T10:14:00.002+08:00

Long since I updated (I think).

Work's been hell.
But it's keeping me happy and grumpy at the same time.
Happy cos its keeping me busy.
Grumpy cos... The work is really stressing me out. Stretching Endurance.

Everyday's a constant struggle.
Never ending work etc.
Internal struggle between quitting and getting fired.
Yes, I realised... I wished my boss would see I am NOT suitable for this job, and fire me.
That will save me a grilling session from mum. :/
Like 'hey. I didn't quit! I got fired! Nothing to be done okay? Boss didn't think I would be up for job! ' And save the whole 'you-should-have-stick-it-out' talk.

Think I am gonna be sick (again).
Maybe more of 心病 than physically.

Tired out inside out.

Back to work. Work through lunch to not have ot. :/

2011-07-10T19:41:00.005+08:00

Ndp show ystd :D
Long time since I sang majulah singapura + pledge. Very primary school feeling LOL

still sick :(
Sucks, I know.
Tired out Ttm. :(
Woke at 8am today, panic cos I thought there's work.
Ate my meds and slept from 10.30am till 3pm.
Thought my eyes were playing tricks on me...

I think I am gonna die.
:( :( :(
Can I don't work tomoRrrrrrrrow? I can't stand those ppl smoking in pantry :( :(

Okay.
Quit being whine-y :/

2011-07-06T17:54:00.002+08:00

Sway-ness enough to last me a week k.

I lost my ezlink card.
Prrroooooof!
Gone.
And I just topped up not long ago.
Mum's gonna kill me.
After she hacks me into pieces.

Menopausal mom.
Really?
Yes.
One moment she asked why I didn't tell her I took (and use) the sauce from fridge.
So I asked if I can use mustard.
She screeeeeeeeeeams at me, smth about me wanting to irritate her cos I asked on purpose.
I thought she asked me to.........
:(
Then one second she screams at me cos I didn't tell her I was going out (she was in toilet), no respect for elders etc ....
The next day she says if we were to go out just do so quietly, and she has no interest to know if we're out or not.
Women, I don't understand them myself.

Doctor's bill came up to 50bucks yesterday.
Should've gone to polyclinic, but I would alrdy been dead by my turn. @.@
Good news is I might be able to claim.
Bad news? Still need approval.

I cant speak a whole sentence without going off-pitch or choked... Or just... Soundless.

:( :(

2011-07-03T19:25:00.000+08:00

The more you want to force me into a corner,
The more I will push back.

The more you cut off my means,
The more 'll show you I am more than what you expect.

The more you want to trap me,
The more determined I am to break free.

The more you want me to suffer,
'Ll show you I will live happier/better than you.

That, is me.

2011-06-26T17:41:00.003+08:00

My screen muncher from bb.
Works like print screen, except the animation is daaaaaamn cute.
Even my theme is screen muncher.
Nomnomnom.

Been tossing and turning on bed since 4pm...
Very very tired,
But I can't seem to fall asleep.
:(
Sis's radio + tvee, mom's nagging + banging around in kitchen... @.@
Have you seen the advertisement on tveee? The one where the guy went through hectic days and once in car it's silence whole time?
I want that car + fluffy pillows. :(

Tireddddddd.
Felt as if every bone is aching, head's heavy, eyes over-worked.

Change my mind.
Gimme a room, a big bed, a few fluffy pillows... Close door, close window... On air-con... Pull curtains...

And leave me aloneeee to sleeeeeeeep.

2011-06-25T11:30:00.002+08:00

I have 3bosses.

One's 70..
One's nearing 60...
One's 40+

The 70year old just flew to melborne. :(
I like his style... Reminds me of kelvin (from my itp)... Maybe because he's older, he don't show any signs of annoyance whenever I ask my favourite ques: 'why?'
Before he went off... His words to me were... ' If I drop dead or something happens to me, you have to carry on working you know!' In which my face was.. @.@ really worried he'll drop dead, cos he's been coughing a lot. But ahhhh. He eats yogurts + fruits for lunch. So cuteeeeee!

The 50+ year old... He reminded me of melvin (of itp). Stubborn unfriendly guy, and rude without knowing. Sigh... Idk what to say when he commented that 70year old boss's working style is stupid.. He's okay.. I just need to learn what's his 'extra steps that you don't even need'. He said 'tell you honestly, you don't need a degree. If you do a good job, you'll be head soon.' (Cos they're dying?!?)

The 40+ year old?
Nv speak to him before, he's the manager of department.
Looks/ sound nice though...

What I observe:
1) Almost everyone has an iphone4 + blackberry....
2) Half the office slept at their desk during lunch.
3) They don't sell fruits anywhere near my office.
4) Two russians in my office... So tall!
5) One jap in my office.. Talk damn loud.
6) Work's insane with 1500emails everyday 24/7 coming in.

Verdict: idk if I will survive. But I'll try... 3months 3weeks till probation ends...

2011-06-23T22:42:00.001+08:00

Showing you my freshly manicured nails.
Happy girl now.
( Though tired and sick-ish)

My first classic manicure.
Pure horror at my dead skin.
She used 45mins removing all of them. 2 times to be sure....

Me: ' opi brush too big.. So maybe you wanna be careful for pinky.'
Her: ' no lah, your nails okay...'
- after 1st coat-
Her: ' okay... A bit smaller then others...'
-draw french-
Her: ' next time should grow your nails longer... So it'll look prettier.'
Me: ' can you draw nail art?'
Her: 'eh, uh... Hmm.. Your nails are too small... Don't draw lah. Draw already nail art also v small :D'
Me: :( :( :(

---------
Anyway,
I watched and learnt a few tips. Heheheh!
See, worthed the money LOL
Yayyy, colours chosen by yours truly.
Always wanted to try this combination (but can't draw nice french).

Bathe and sleeeeeeep.
Gonna stare at nails at work tmr. :D

2011-06-23T15:40:00.001+08:00

Xavier See, Dating Coach, Author of alife2love.com says:

All men have temptations and if the right moment comes along, they might take it. It is as simple as that! There aren't many men out there that can turn down temptation, especially if it is right in front of them with no signs of you and no one else there to tell on him. Most men don't, or rather, fail to think properly about the consequences of their actions until after the actions are complete. That is where the games begin and he will do everything in his power for you not to find out.

Sadly, many people are not aware that they are being cheated on because they just don't see it or they turn a blind eye to the signs just to avoid getting into fights or facing up to the matter. Here are 3 tell-tale signs that your spouse may be cheating on you:

1) Odd Phone Call Hours

Remember those days when the both of you could talk for hours for a certain period of time each night? Suddenly, the phone calls start coming in later than the usual and the length of your conversations also become a whole lot shorter. If this happens, it is possible that something might have replaced you for that time slot.

2) Avoiding Intimacy

Granted, there are times when Men are really not in the mood for intimacy. It is also very possible for a Man to say no to sex if he is really exhausted from the day. However, if this goes on for an extended period of time, you might have a problem on your hands. The truth is, couples in love will find it a real challenge trying to keep their hands off each other.

3) Your Gut Instinct

They say that there is nothing more accurate than a woman's intuition. As a man, I hate to admit it but it is pretty accurate... maybe even too much for my liking. Women are intuitive and sensitive enough to spot the little things. The way he panics each time his phone rings. The way he scrambles into the restroom each time he comes home. The way he asks questions about your whereabouts and encourages you to enjoy yourself with your friends while he is out with his. The way his "I love you" sounds more like it was spoken from the head and not from his heart. If you suspect something, chances are high that something else might be going on behind your back.

--------------------

Nothing happened.
Just came accross this and find it... Interesting.

2011-06-22T23:21:00.001+08:00

Finally got my html right.
@.@

This picture always come to my mind when people don't listen enough.
Or don't listen at all (aka words not absorbed into brains).
Like what mrs tina tan would call them: MONKEYS.

a couple of times, I will get annoyed.
A few times, I will get frustrated.
A while later, I will get pissed.
After that, I give up.

'Ll no longer speak what you don't want to/ don't like/ don't wish to hear.

Like how I cut out other stuff.

Sometimes, I feel like a fool.
To chop off my own wings and trap myself on the ground.

Is it worthed it?
No one knows. Yet.

2011-06-22T22:14:00.000+08:00

Firstly,
Happy 3rd year anniversary ( " v " )

My 50dollars breakfast.
But superrrrrrrr awesome.
Makes you wanna jump all around like a kid.
Super good honey + super good strawberry jam + super good blackcurrent jam = superrrrrrrrr sweet day.

Andddd!
My miniature ketchup! :D
No lah, not cheapskate.
Its soooooooo cute.
Can't bear to use it :( Neh minddd. Heh

Anywayyyy,
Thank you to boyfriend's mom.
And thaaaaaank youu to bf :D

Ps: my roses are dyingggg :(

2011-06-18T01:10:00.001+08:00

Check up tomorrow.
Basic procedures.
But... Oh my god.

Blood test.

Are you kidding meeeeeeeee?

Blood test. Blood test. Blood test. Blood test. Blood test. Blood test. Blood test. Blood test. Blood test. Blood test.

:( :(

I mean... Can they wait till my next period to take some?
It's blooood anyway right?
And spare them the trouble of poking/ deflating/ punching holes.

I hope they numb wherever they're gonna poke.

I dont want blood test.
Is it too late for me to back out now? :( :(

Least I learn something.
Always ask if there's blood test for check up.
If there is, say no thanks.

Rarrrrrr. Can't sleeeep knowing someone's gonna poke me tmr.

:( :(

2011-06-17T13:21:00.001+08:00

It still feels unreal.
I have a job.
Starting on monday.
Panic.
Really? Yes. :(

I have another talent.. In choosing subjects/jobs I have problems in.
Examples? Lots...

1) I can't take history/ chemistry/ world map.
Yet I took pure chemistry, pure geography and history. Killer? Yes.
Regret? Nope. At least I tackled my geography and history. Tried my best for chemistry (though it didn't work out).
2) Marine modules
I suck at world map. Gimme a map and ask me to label 10 countries and you'll give me a world tour FOC, I'm sad to say, I can't... even if you decide to throw in free expenses. :( :(

Now? I am in accounting. And reading contracts.
I hateeeeeee numbers (esp when I am tired), and I hateeeee going through contracts cos their fonts are so tiny and they're soooooo long. And I am so.. Blur... :( :(

Genius, as always.

Sent from my BlackBerry

2011-06-17T02:27:00.001+08:00

Testing....
Know how I always complain about non-pic post?

I found a waaaaay!
<3
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

2011-06-17T01:49:00.002+08:00

Can't sleeeeeeeep.

Frustrating.
Tried about everything.
Counting sheeps (lost count/ got bored after 30th?)
Changed to counting bears/ clouds/ cupcakes/ polishes.
Warm milk to warm stomach...
Shut eyes + happy place...
Cover eyes with pillow (and use stitchy as pillow)...
Eating panadol...
Doing sit-ups...

Tossing & turning for so long.
Uncomfortable all over...
Sighhhhhhhhhhh.
Maybe I should knock myself out with something.
Then yayyy! Sleeep!

For nowww, I shall hug myself till asleep.

2011-06-17T00:42:00.002+08:00

can't sleeep. :(

Worrying about ______.
Worrying about how my cupcakes gonna turn out tomorrow.
Worrying about new job offers.

And of cos, there's the ever annoying pain from both shoulder muscles. :(
Its been swollen for at least two weeks.
Read that there're two common reasons.
1) Pillow height
2) Stress
Guess mine is 1 + 2.

Been using this pillow since secondary schooool.
Sis stole my other pillow and claimed it :(
'M picky about pillows :( :(
So it's rare for me to change/like a pillow.

Actually, idk what I am stressed about/with.
A lot of things, yet nothing.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Applied muscle gel to both shoulders and they're having allergic + burning reactions at the same time.
Asssss.

Shall go buy lottery tomorrow.
If I win I don't have to go work AND I can have a holiday.
LOL
Okay, kidding.

Should I? :x

2011-06-16T23:38:00.003+08:00

Tired.
Shall spare all from 'omg-i-am-so-tired-of-everything' rant.

Some good news, some bad news.

Bad news is...
I dislike(hate) place I went interview at.
Awesome huh?
The toilets there are.... Hopeless. Like kampong toilets.
Seriously? Yes.
I literally cringed when I saw. :( :(
For those who don't know, I am fussy about toilets/ bathrooms.
(Like how I HATE un-flushed toilets or people not washing hands after toilets.)
I can imagine limiting myself to drinking 500ml from 8am to 6pm. So I won't be so urgent to go toilet.
Or cabbing to tiong bahru plaza during lunch so I can peeeeeeee.
Desperate/despair much? Yes.

Good news?
I got shortlisted for two job interviews there.
And and I got shortlisted for jobs.
And and and, hr manager called to 'chop' me as they're afraid 'll be taking up other jobs. (Aka run away).

Ultimate bad news?
I accepted job offer.
Drafting out agreement tomorrow to show me.
Awesome? Yes. No.

Sigh.
Okay, need to look on the bright side.

They need people, I need a job.
I work, they give me experiences and money. ~~and deprive me of life~~
Win-win.

1) They picked ME out of other people for a job. (Only one vacancy) So hey, maybe they think I've the ability to cope/learn. That's... Good. (Mum's been labelling me a free-loader + selfish prick whole week. Nv take any money from her or dad, paid for some groceries & toilet papers, my own meals & transportation. Dad's been calling me every day to see if 'm looking/hunting for a job. Frustrated. This is like, the ONLY week 've nothing on since.. Can't remember when. No temp/last min work/ no commitments etc. Can't I rest?!? )

2) I've a job now. Which means, one month from now, I'd get my own paycheck. Which means my travel budget will increase (aka go further than malaysia). Which means, I can use my ezlink card freeeely to take bus/mrt without worrrrying I don't have enough for next trip.
Which means, I don't have to worry about my phone line getting cut off.
Which means, I can contribute to power/water bills so I don't have to worrrry about red bills.
Which means, I can finally have my own savings and buy my own insurance.
Awesomeeeeee. (And no, I don't have any insurance. Yet.)

3) Financial security, Kind of. (Job= money= financial security, right?) This has always been an issue since... Ever. (Don't wanna ever live without electricity/water and phones) I am done with being... Poor. Not saying I wish we are rich.. But enough to have prompt payments for bills and don't have to worry about money issues would be nice. (Less quarrels betweeeen people)

4) Free clinic consultation etc. (Hopefully) cos most companies actually pay for medicines etc for employees. So yayyyyyy. No more self-treat/ spending own money on doctors when 'm sick. Save my 30bucks per visit.

5) Finalllllly, I can treat my cute grandpas to proper meal. Aka crystal jade + taxi home kind. Not the coffee shop dishes + take bus home. :D :D egg-cited!

Cross fingers they're offering me at least 1.6k.
Transport is gonna take quite a lot. :/

*makes mental note to not take cab. And train bladder from tmr onwards.*

2011-06-15T18:09:00.002+08:00

Its irritating when you waited 20mins for a bus but none appeared.
And ran for the wrong train.
And only realised you forgot to bring something when you're finally moving.
And you went back to take,
Only to realise you're super mega late.

:( :(
Whyyyyyy does it happpppen to meeee?
Okay. My fault in the first place :(

2011-06-15T00:43:00.003+08:00

Yayyyyyyy!
My cupcakes are done.
Rainbowwwww :D
Wished could post up some pics :(
Pretty awesome :D

Boyfriend showed up with lightsticks. :D :D :D
My favourite when I was young.
8th uncle always get for me cos he knows I like to hide them under blanket and stares at them till I sleep/no more glowing.

Dinner with thaaaaam tmr :D

Ps: I have one under my blanket nowwwwwwww (:

2011-06-13T23:58:00.003+08:00

Baked cupcakes today.
I wanted a rainbow cupcake...
Not impossible, just.. A bit tedious.

Test drive today.
New recipe that I edited/ re-invented.
Taste is not bad.
Even my bro loves it :D
I like the fluffy part. Better than expected.

When my coloured ones came out, I was in awe.
Blue, red, purple, green.
Same feelings(almost) I get when I paint my nails.
Soooooooooooo pretty.
Idk .
But it felt like me.
Same but different.
Same plain cupcake, just in different colours.

In everyone's context, its 'weird'. A lot ppl thinks I am weird.
Its kay.
I am not weird, and I know it.
I am just, not the same as you.
I don't really wanna be the same as you, because you're the same as everyone else.
No identity, get what I mean?
At least I add colours to my own life. I get/mix colours I want.

People who understand will go 'so colourful/ cheerful/ bright/ pretty!'

People who don't, will say 'too much colouring! / weird cupcakes! '.

And I know a couple of people who don't.

Its kay.
Cos they're for me.
Not you.

Btw,
A bit of colourings won't kill you.
All the junks/poisons you're feeding yourself everyday are already doing a fantastic job at that without any help. (:

2011-06-13T02:11:00.002+08:00

I have a 'bad habit'.
Not bad 'bad habit'.
Idk... But someone once told me my bad habit is.. Pushing people away. Esp when I sense negative feelings or when I see them.. Happier with others.

In a way, he's right.
But he is wrong too.
I don't push them away.
They... Just seem to leave and evaporated.
To some happier places with happier people.
To 'push', is by force.
But they just.. Drifted off.

You just don't seem to want/wish/need me anymore.
It makes me sad knowing/seeing.
But I'm not so.. Selfish.
It makes me happy too, when I see you enjoying with everyone else.
Idk.
I feel as if, you preferred them.
I feel as if, you're happier without me (probably true).
Not saying anything doesn't mean I don't care about you anymore, or that I am not jealous of your other friends.
Not messaging/calling you everyday doesn't mean I don't want to keep in contact with you.
Just.. I feel I can't do anything anymore.. I can't fit in anymore.. Don't belong anymore.

It makes me sad, but I tell myself at least you're happy.

'Ll still be here.
oxox
__________________

Watched [Something borrowed] today.
I think it deserves more credits than what reviews are giving.
Quite a few 'Ouch' moments.

Anyway, its late.
Goodnights!

2011-06-11T11:09:00.001+08:00

Bored.
Pissed.
Confused.
Frustrated.
Aimless.
Sad.
Upset.
Zen.
Tired.
Sleepy.
Alert/awake.

Blend that all in,
You'll have a bit of idea what 'm feeling.

Just, a teeny weeny bit.

2011-06-10T23:00:00.004+08:00

Happy place.

Each of us have our own happy place.
Lucky ones have the actual place in real life.
Cosy room, balcony etc.

Some in imaginations.
Room filled with money/ ___(things they want/love)___ / cooling beach with sunset/sunrise etc.

Mine...
There's 2.

Place no.1:
Nice quiet cosy room.
With big fluffy bed and fluffy pillows.
With soft fluffy blanket and teddy.
And a whole big shelves of cooking, baking, nail arts, romance books.
And a nice fireplace (real one), a nice cushioned rocking/swing chair.
And aircon.
And lastly, nice sparkling toilet.
I am the only one there, with all time in the world to do whatever I like.
There, thinking about it makes me happy already. :D

Place2:
Nice white sandy beach with sunset/sunrise,
Sea with clear blue water in gradient colour,
Windy with smell of seawater,
Only noise are from the waves crashing onto the beach, and the sides of umbrella flapping. :D
Nice warm(not scorching) sun with big umbrella and sun-tan chair.
With a small table with a nice book, a camera and iced a drink (maybe choya? Lol).
And my sunglass.
With my cottage nearby.

With that,
I shall try to sleep.

let me stay in happy places for a night.
(Fluffy bed and pillows with hot chocolate would be nice! ^.^ )

2011-06-10T21:36:00.003+08:00

I am tired.
Emotionally and mentally.
Nothing happened..
But everything's not going as smoothly.

Went to a few interviews.
Continued with part time jobs after.
This and that.
Tired of looking for a job.
Tired of trying to market myself to employers.
Tired of recognising what/how the bosses are. (Pretty good judgement I get from a 15mins discussion).
Tired of waking at 5.30am every single day.

One word: fuck.
Shoulder muscles been pretty tense these days. Or should I say, ultra mega tensed & aching.
Blue blacks all over
Fever going up and down.
Here ache there ache.
Every single goddamn day.
If I don't work, house's infested by bro and sis. I can't wake up peacefully, neither can I sleep peacefully.
If I work, I get more drained everyday.
If I don't have any work, I worry about cashflow...
If I'm working, I can't wait to get off.

And a million and one other things weighing me down.

I am not unhappy.
But I am not happy either.

Doesn't matter.
People only care about themselves when problems arise. That's norm.

I'm not gonna harp on these.
Neither will I cry or punch walls.

Time for chocolates.
Think of happy place.

2011-06-09T08:57:00.002+08:00

On the way to school.
Yes, school.
Cos I am too poor to buy a printer.
Cos I am cheapo like that.

Buying a printer = $150
Printing outside= $0.50 per page.
Printing in school= $0.05 per page.
Every page that I print in school, I save 45cents.
Printing more than 20... So I save... At least 9bucks?!?!
Yay!

Can't find my passport photo.
Haven't write my cover letter.
Need to photocopy a lot of stuff.
And interview's at 4pm today.
3interviews at one go.

I don't know where that place is, btw.

Pleaseeeee don't screw up :(

2011-06-08T07:32:00.002+08:00

On the way to work.
'M late. :/
Felt as if I didn't sleep at all. :(
My bones are in million pieces and neck muscles hardening into rocks.

Okay, enough whinings.

Bus's here.
Ciao.

2011-06-07T23:59:00.003+08:00

Sucky state everything's in now.

I think 'm gonna die. Emotionally and physically drained.
0% left, none.
One thing after another.
Couldn't do anything else or think of any.. Solutions/ways.

I am furious, but the anger is kinda outside the bubble.
Not gonna let it get to me.

I had doubts about relationships/ marriage/ commitments. Still have, actually.
I see divorces everywhere.
I see couples breaking up all around me.
I hear couples (married/dating) quarrelling with each other.
It depresses me that.. Every couple is no different from another. :/
Sometimes, I look at other places and see what held the rest of couples together.
Love, faith, trust, love.
I love the guy 'm with, I trust him.
That's all that matters.

The best way to learn love and respect?
Look in the mirror.
maybe you'll realise you can be happy giving love and respect while receiving them.

2011-06-02T23:30:00.000+08:00

The one closest yet furthest away.

2011-05-31T07:19:00.002+08:00

Can I stab my sis?

Hate sharing room/ house/ air with her. BITCH.
So what I'd your poly starts 8am.
Stop whining and waking everyone up.
What's the bloody use of those 4damn alarm clocks if you don't wake.
Must everyone else wake at 5.30am and person who was supposed to wake still fast asleep?
And screaming losing temper when someone tries to wake you?
Pissed when someone even had to persuade her to BATHE.
Dua pai.

When she has exams, who house know her schdeule.
Everyday of exams she acts like queeeeeeen and expect us to wait on her.
What's there to show off/proud of to get full marks for mcq, when there's only... 5ques?

She spends 20minutes standing naked in front of her closet to choose her clothes.
On both school days and exam days (even if its one paper).
I quote: ' never study, nevermind. Because if you don't say, no one will know you go in there blank. But must wear nice clothes cos once you exit house, people will look at you. '

Thick skin.
Thank you bitch for waking me up at 5.30am on my off day.
And on-ing both lights in the room to choose your clothes.
And asking me if your black jeans goes well with maroon shirt, or should you wear yellow flintstone tee with dark jeans.

My nose can't stop watering,
My throat's like sandpaper.
Great

Ultra mega grumpy now

2011-05-29T19:06:00.002+08:00

Blogging now cos:
1) 'm waiting for my bus
2) I am gonna do nails after shower (no phones later). :D

Long time since I last spent almost a whole day out.
Awesomeeeeeeeee :D :D

Went temple..
'm quite confused with my religion, actually.
I don't really believe in gods protecting us from evils + get good grades.
More like, I believe that good grades = 98% hardwork and 2% luck.
Same with life.
Don't see the point in asking for forgiveness (and good luck to escape etc) when all you should do is to suck it up and face your consequences.
Or burning a bad lot and drawing a new one (till you get one you like).
Enjoying steak/pork ribs/drinking/ gambling etc, and only to pray intensively 2days before getting results.

True, sometimes, hardwork don't equals to good grades. Sigh.
good deeds don't give you good luck.
And bad people don't actually get the karma for the pain/evil deeds they gave/did.
Because we are humans, we tend to only see what we wish/hope to see, what we wish/hope to hear.

I don't eat beef.
I offer prayers every 1st and 15th of chinese calendar.
But idk if I am considered to be a true buddhist if I have doubts about personnels up above.
My parents would probably kill me if I told them -.-
Then again, if I have doubts... It would mean my grandmas + grandpas who passed away.. Aren't around anymore.
Zzzzzzz

Anyway, we went haji lane.
Yayyyyyyyy!
Square studs omggggggg.

Okay. Reaching home.
Tata!

2011-05-29T01:57:00.002+08:00

Went out today with some long lost friends.
Haven't seen one for 3years.
Haven't seen the other for about a year or more.

Before meeting, I was actually.... Worried.
About this turning into a disaster (spells awkward silent).

Despite me being the furthest (potong pasir -.-), I was the earliest! Yayyyyy!
Hazel reached around 2 (planned to meet 1.30pm), and igallop reached at 3+.
The one who reached latest actually cabbed. Omggggggg.
Damn expensive please!

Lunch at astons.
(Both nv heard of astons before!!!!!)
I hate eating with 2people who never put on weight no matter what they eat.
They can gobble down whatever they want, and still eat more. Without ever absorbing any of the fats/oil. :( :(
Look at hazel.
3subway cookie, bake fish with heap of fries + bake potato (+ 2mini saugages) + Garlic breadS. And ice lemon tea.
She is still like that. :(
Same goes with igallop.
Cept he gobbled down the chicken chop faster than I ate my side dish.
Life's just... Unfair, don't you think?
Sighhhhh.

then decided to go marina barrage.
Self invite actually. Hahahahha
Cos igallop was armed with his (pro) camera and wanted to take shots of people/random scenery/things/expressions. You get what I mean.
Hazel was soooo cute. Cute dress + cute bag + cute heels.
But not rlly suitable for marina barrage. (I ka tow to her blisters and tolerence of pain. Hellooooooo. Heeeeeels whole day damn pain please. )
Went city hall to get ripples heheh.
Left her in ripples and igallop accompanied me to buy water.
Plain taste-less, fragance free water.
I have no idea how I ended up with choya (+ 1.5L water) and him with sake.
(Okay, I know. It was me. I was... Staring at choya.) Siao already.
Hazel was @.@ hahahahahah
Me and igallop assured her we can drink. LOL
So we went marina barrage.
(And this two nv been there either. Yayyy, me not as sua gu as I think. :D )

Insane number of ppl.
Like seriously -.-
Cos there's this carnival by the art school + art groups.
Some really sings v well.
I'm impressed.
Esp with a small timid lady, who turns out to be a rock singer. Like, OmG.

Anyway, we walked around by ourselves (seperately).
Igallop was walking almost everywhere with his eyes to his lenses. -.-
After an hour, met hazel and we went to sit down alone.
Choya time!
Yayyyyyyy.
Yummmmm yummm.
Hahahah at hazel's face when she saw my face getting red.
Alcohol + me = red face + hyper + random laughters.
I think I freaked her out a little. (Can't blame her. Nv see for 3years and suddenly become so hyper and happy after sipping one third of bottle)

After a while igallop joined us and he took out his sake.
Smells like beer.
We walked to bustop (and they both insisted that I was drunk) :(
After emptying almost half of his bottle, he got drunk.
Or semi-drunk. Hahahahahaha
He walked damn fast as if he lost control of his legs.
Had to semi jog to keep up.
Then Me and hazel tried prying the sake out of his hands, but he wouldn't let go.
He wouldn't let hazel touch the bottle and kept shifting away.
I nearly manage to coax it from him, but he suddenly stopped smiling at me(when hazel asked why I can touch the bottle) and glared at me while taking(snatching) back his bottle. -.-
HILARIOUS.
Playing psp while holding tight to sake, and falling asleep standing.
Die die must protect sake. Hahahahahahaha

Hazel was even planning to accompany him home.
(She say she is never going to let us drink again)
I don't think I am that bad drinker lehhhhhh.
Lol
just a bit hyper and happier.

Bought milk tea.
(Since tea is suppose to work with waking ppl from alcohol. But I don't see any hot tea around. So since bubble tea is also tea, why not?)

And I walked all the way home sipping on my bubble tea.
While the real drunk one missed 2 mrt stations. Hahahaha

Hokay. Up early tmr.
Sleeeeep!

2011-05-25T23:41:00.003+08:00

Blogging from bed.
I loveeeeeeee blackberry + data.
Awesomeeeeeee.
Think life would be miserable without my blackberry. LOL

They say if you dream of snakes, it means wealth/luck is with you/coming to you.
I dreamt of cartoon snake the other night (no, still hates snakes even if they're cartoons).
What does that mean???

One word to describe work today.
'SHIOKKKK'.
Manager was in 'budget meeting' whole day.
When I asked him questions on payments, he asked me to 'hold' and wait till he is free.
Awesomeee.
Damn slaaaack.
He's really an ass.
3days worth of photocopying was in my tray.
At least he didn't chuck in papers in between documents when I was away.

Tomorrowwwwwwwwwwww is liberty daaaay.
Happy! Die die also must go work.
Cos manager won't be coming into office today.
'YES YES YES!'

Did I mention I hearts how awesome my bb is? :D

2011-05-24T22:04:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was my birthday.
Today's my graduation day.
In a way, I bade goodbye to my teenage years and stepped fully into society now.

Spent birthday with boyfriend (:
Haven't got much chance to spend a whole day with him since he went army.
It was fun, even if it means going to sp to pick up my graduation package and have lunch there (omg nice foooood).

Its really sad that I reached the big 20.
It really hits me that... I am no longer a teenager.
By 20, some people are already half a millionare.
Sighhhh.
My life's gonna be over sooon, yet I have nothing to be reaaaaaaaaally beaming about.
Pfffft.

Graduation day today.
It feels very strange to see some, happy to see some.
In a way, it was goodbye to some.
Happiest thing was grandpa being there, mel appeared, and boyfriend turning up. :D
Nicest comment from capt was: I look fresher, younger, matured and prettier.

Makes me wonder what I look like before -.-

2more weeks, and 'm gonna be out of the office.
Work tomorrow, and I am dreading it.

20. Need to start earning proper money and live properly.

2011-05-22T08:10:00.002+08:00

Awesome dinner yesterday :D

Harpy harpy!
Nong nong time neh see so marny peeepo.
Domo arigato for making time to come down.
Me feeel very ai/koi. Heheheh

Me read all cards with oxox.
Sunflower is sleeping in my watering can (no bottle big enough hahah!).
:D :D :D

Once again, blackberry hates blogger (cannot upload photos. But hate livejournal more cos can't even post!).
So...... I can't post up pics. :(

woke today with scratchy throat at 7.40am.
Work starts 8am!
Its like mamamiaaaaaaaaaaaa.
And no voice at all.
Messaged in charge (add I am having slight fever) and volaaaaa. No work today.
Not complaining (wanted to... My fifty bucks flew away :( ). But I really needa rest cos my body's aching and head feels heavyyyy. :(
Don't really look forward to birthday popping panadols :/

Nua-ing in bed now.
Shall try to nap half an hour more before waking up for the day.
Its only freaking 8am on a sunday morrrrrrning.